


Dildo Daddies

by Vexicle



Category: Original Work
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor, No actual sex just crack, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 14:35:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13436856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vexicle/pseuds/Vexicle
Summary: The de-facto 'serious ones' of Smooth Flying are assigned an incrediblyinappropriatetask for biology class. Hilarity ensues.





	Dildo Daddies

There is a flesh-coloured, dick-shaped, slightly squishy pleasure object on his desk and Taro doesn't know what to do. He giggles, a strange expression on his face.

“Crikey,” his partner breathes. Aquilo’s face is flushed, and he too just stares at it, feeling incredibly lost. 

“Who is in charge of the school syllabus?” Taro groans. He swears they don't have these strange classes in Japan. 

Aquilo laughs weakly. He picks the dildo up, squeezing it slightly. “Wow.” He takes in a deep breath, studying the object thoroughly. 

Class is dismissed now, and all the students instantly buzz and chatter among themselves. Aquilo and Taro meet each other's eyes, blue to violet, and instantly burst out into laughter. 

“Oh boy.”

“What the fuck. What the actual fuck?” Aquilo laughs, squeezing the dildo so hard Taro is pretty sure he could have broken it if it were an actual dick. “What? What?? What?!”

“No, you can't do that,” Taro gasps, wheezing, making a feeble grab for it. “The instructions were to make sure it's still in one piece by next Monday!”

Both of them collapse, their sides heaving as they try to stifle their giggles with their hands. Biology class just got a whole lot more interesting.

.

Iggy has called the rest of them to meet in their usual clubroom again, maybe just to hang out. Taro is pretty sure he owes the redhead an apology later, but right now he's too high to care.

“Good boy,” Taro wheezes, sitting on Aquilo’s lap. “Give me the damn keyboard.”

“Shit you, daddy.” Aquilo laughs, loudly and maniacally. Taro himself has a crazy look in his eyes, his entire focus on one thing and one thing only.

Their friends exchange glances, alarmed. Finally, Zephyr decides to try to reach out to their insane minds. “... is there any reason why you two are so out of it today?” she asks cautiously. Both Taro and Aquilo just laugh in her bewildered face.

“Nothing's wrong, nothing at all!” Aquilo promises, even as his eyelids twitch and his fingers spasm. Taro is aware he himself looks vaguely constipated. He cackles loudly as he jabs his finger against the keyboard repeatedly.

Taro knows at the back of his mind they really need to start work, or study, or revise, or finish the song and dance routine for their newest song but both he and Aquilo simply _cannot_ right now. He giggles madly. Maybe it's good to let loose once in a while.

Francis coughs nervously. “Uh, I don't think Iggy would like what you guys are doing.”

‘Of course he would!” Aquilo giggles, seemingly unaware of the very concerned redhead seated at the corner of the table. “He's my brother! My dearest brother! He loves me! He’s fucking great!”

Iggy sighs, scrolling through his private messages with Aquilo. “I, I appreciate it, but really? Quilly, Taro-kun, why have you guys been sending me the letters P and G for the past five minutes?”

“The g-spot,” Taro says hysterically. “It's magical! It's wonderful!” He bounces vigorously in Aquilo’s lap, and he swears he hears a collective gasp from his friends.

“Daddy, put your fingers up my ass! Poke the magical place of wonders!” Aquilo cackles, continuing to jab at the virtual keyboard. “Full speed ahead!”

Iggy promptly swipes the tablet away from the insane duo. “I'll return it to you after you've regained your sanity,” he promises his twin when Aquilo makes a blind grab for it.

“I really am worried,” Cherry says as her brows furrow. “I never would have thought you two would even say or do anything like... like that.” She gestures vaguely at the duo, still panting and smiling with a wild gleam in their eyes.

“Did something happen?” Francis is clasping his hands together.

Taro and Aquilo meet each other's eyes and instantly burst into laughter, punctuated by breathless gasps. Aquilo punches Taro and they both quieten down into giggles.

“Do you want to show them your pride, daddy?” Even Aquilo’s hands over his mouth can't quite stifle his laughter.

Taro smacks the blond and they both collapse again, shoulders heaving. “Fuck you, be a good boy! I'm the daddy here!” He obliges anyway, rummaging in his bag for the dildo and pulling it out for his friends to gaze upon it in all it's big, flesh-coloured, disgusting glory. 

Iggy squeals and smacks the black-haired boy, making him drop the object out of surprise. “What the??” His amber eyes are wide and almost angry. “What the hell is this? Where did you get that from? Taro? Aquilo??”

Aquilo still has the grace to look sheepish. “I, uh. Sorry.” He coughs, though he very obviously still hasn't regained his composure. “It's for biology class. We need to take care of it.”

Francis is blushing. “What is that even supposed to teach you guys?” He himself is grinning a little too widely now.

Aquilo rolls his eyes and shrugs. “You tell me. I have no clue. I think the staff are all high on drugs.”

Everyone just stares at the offending object until they all burst into laughter. “Crap, you guys are the fucking dildo daddies!” Cherry giggles, pointing at the dildo and gesturing frantically at them.

“I have never felt so scandalised in my life!”

“Me too!”

“Me three!”

“At least you guys don't have to freaking look at it!”

Aquilo sighs, the residue giggles finally fading away. “Oh my god. It's my turn on Sunday. I want to die.”

“So I need to look at it too?” Iggy asks with a look of horror.

Aquilo smiles wryly and pets his brother’s back. “Don't worry, I'll keep it in my drawer.”

.

Taro grits his teeth and clenches his fists. He inhales and puffs his chest out. Right, he could do this. He could do this!

He stares at the dildo on his desk and collapses on his chair. He can't do this.

He shudders and calls Aquilo’s number. He picks up after a few rings, and Taro asks him teasingly, “Want to know how your favourite daddy is doing?”

He hears an embarrassed cry over the phone. “I, uh, forget that ever happened!”

Taro chuckles. “Kinky, aren't you? Why don't you come over and shove that big fat cock up your ass?”

There's no reply for a few seconds and then Taro realises that the blond is muttering “Oh _god_ ” with a slight hint of a moan. Taro blushes and decides to ignore that for Aquilo’s sake.

Taro coughs and says, “Okay, I need to take a picture of this and tag the anatomy of the dick.”

“So why are you calling me then?”

“Ugh, I can't!”

“...what do you mean you can't?”

Taro stares at the dildo on his desk and buries his head in his arms. “Ugh, this is too shameless! I can't do it!”

“I fucking know right??”

Taro just makes a weird noise of embarrassment and protest. “Ugh, I just need to muster up the courage.”

“Hey, take your time, dude,” Aquilo says sympathetically. Taro smiles a little at the thought that of all things to make the blond warm up to you, it's a freaking dildo in freaking biology cum sex ed. What is the world coming to, indeed.

Taro laughs. “Okay. I'm going to get off the phone to take pictures. Bye, Akkun.”

“Bye.” Taro smiles at the fondness in Aquilo’s voice.

He finally gathers up his courage to take a shot of the damn dildo, and he smiles proudly before he realises he still needs to take pictures from a different angle. He groans. Baby steps, right? This is so unorthodox, what the hell? He’d never have imagined doing this in a million years.

His phone jingles and it’s a text from Aquilo, of course. Such diligence even in the face of adversity. Taro chuckles to himself at his (admittedly lame) joke.

**Aquilo:** What’s my task again?  
**Takkun:** You? Put like a condom on it or something haha  
**Aquilo:** wtf i need to buy it?? I am going to kill myself brb

Taro laughs at his phone screen. He hopes the people who think Aquilo is a total stick in the ass will reconsider, because he certainly isn't all serious all the time. Now if only Cherry could be bribed...

Taro cracks his knuckles, preparing for round two of his unique photoshoot.

.

Aquilo yawns, stretching and holy crap is that Taro outside at 7am sharp because he has a few choice words to say to him. He dashes downstairs and opens the door. “If only you were this excited about exercises,” he drawls, rolling his eyes. What the hell, he must have woken really early to pull this damn jumpscare on him.

Taro laughs. “I'll never be as excited as now to get rid of this sex toy! Have fun, Akkun!” He throws the bundled up dildo into Aquilo’s hands. He juggles it for a while before he finally catches it, staring flusteredly at Taro. The smaller boy winks. “Nice boxers, Akkun,” he giggles.

Aquilo looks down, face reddening. Crap, it's the one with brown and white plaid pattern. He can't believe he forgot such an important task. He can't believe he's fucking flashing his friend.

At least it isn't as disgusting as the dildo in his hands. “W-what did you expect when you come knocking at my door so damn early?” he stammers. Aquilo growls, slamming the door shut on Taro as the other boy just bursts out into laughter.

Aquilo has just trudged back into his room and is in the process of putting some proper clothes on when Iggy yawns in his bed, rubbing his eyes. “Aquilo?” he calls.

The blond lets out a huge groan. “Ugh, Iggy. My package has been delivered.”

“Package?” Amber eyes peer curiously over his shoulder. Aquilo turns to face his twin and finds his face blanched, sticking a tongue out in disgust. “Ugh, no thanks. Keep that disgusting thing away from me.”

Aquilo sighs. “Yeah, at least you don't have to do any of this shit.” He whips out the condom he's managed to swipe from his father, cringing as he recalls the awkward conversation the day before. Yes, he's never having that talk with his parents ever again. No more. He is too young for any of this bullshit and he already feels twenty years older.

But now he’s just awkwardly using disposable plastic gloves (he's not taking any chances with the filthy thing) and holding up the condom and dildo with one hand. Iggy eyes his brother warily. “Uh, so what does this teach you, exactly?”

“...methods of contraception, or something like that.”

“Oh, man. That sounds terrible.” Iggy collapses on his bed and rolls onto his left side. “I wish I could say ‘I wish I could help you’, but that's an obvious lie. I'm sorry.”

“Don't sweat it, Iggy. Sleep well.” Aquilo falls silent as he scrunches his face up, doing his best to open the condom. After fidgeting with it for a while, he finally decides to just ditch the gloves with the promise of scrubbing _very_ thoroughly later on.

His phone vibrates once. Taro should be in the subway now, so Aquilo wonders what the black-haired boy even needs.

**Ineedchurch:** Akkun, what are the other methods of not pregnancy?

Aquilo groans audibly. What the hell, isn't Taro supposed to be a student council member? He really should be taking notes.

**Aquilo:** You mean contraception you dunce.  
**Aquilo:** Personally I find the most effective method is to be conventionally unattractive  
**Ineedchurch:** oi I'm serious!

Aquilo rolls his eyes, though there's a slight tilt to his lips. He chuckles a little and takes a picture of his notes. His grin widens as he types in a dare he say, excellent choice of caption.

**Aquilo:** Here you go, daddy. I was a good boy ;)  
**Ineedchurch:** what the helllll I'm fucking laffin in public stop making me a public nuisance everyone is looking at meeeee  
**Aquilo:** it's not my fault you have terrible self control you fucker  
**WtfAquilo:** A-akkkkuuuunnnn ;A;;

Aquilo laughs and slides the condom onto the thick plastic length, using it as an excuse to ignore Taro’s increasingly agitated texts. His phone vibrates so hard it almost falls off the desk, and he finally puts it on silent, not without amusement. 

Aquilo laughs and snaps a picture of his magnum opus, which just so happens to be a condom-dildo-extreme-combo. He really needs a vacation. He's starting to question his life choices and diminishing sanity.

**Aquilo:** Do you like what you see, daddy? ;)

Aquilo grins cheekily as Taro just responds with scrambled letters. This new feeling is really new and refreshing, addicting even, but he forcibly stops himself from turning into Cherry 2.0 before it's too late.

**Aquilo:** Study up, Taro-kun. The presentation’s tomorrow.  
**WtfAquilo:** Fuck me sideways ;---;;;;;

.

“What the shit? Our presentation was a total bust!” Aquilo, however, can't seem to put any menace behind his forceful words as he and Taro type rapidly on the keyboard. This time, the blond is in the smaller boy’s lap. It's a bit awkward because of the size differences, but Taro manages to angle his body in such a way he can still jab at the g key.

“F-fuck, fucking hell, crap,” Taro gasps, and he's actually tearing up from the laughter. “It wouldn't have been so bad if you didn't laugh every time I said the word ‘frenulum’!”

“Says you! You fucking cried every time I pointed out the totally accurate dildo had no balls!”

“What the hell. You're right. Crap, I've never sworn this much before in my entire life,” Taro giggles breathlessly.

“At least we’re finally rid of that damn thing.”

Taro pauses. Then he leans in with a conspirational look on his grinning face. “But we were bestowed upon something even worse.”

Aquilo nods as if he is some sort of wise priest. “Ah yes, my young Taro. For now we must brace the wilds and face the conquest of,” he bursts into laughter. “ _Reflections on our task!_ ” he screeches.

“I can't wait to tell them what we learnt!”

“I've learnt that unfortunately, my own junk is woefully inadequate!” Aquilo smacks his hand against his forehead and poses dramatically. “How am I to compare to thee?”

“Nooo! Aquilooo!” Taro cries as he pretends to catch the blond in a bridal carry. “You were so young! So innocent! What has the cruel world done to you, my fair maiden?”

Four faces stare at the incredibly insane duo still in the middle of reanacting their historical skit, all fraught with concern and horror.

“...what did they do to our friends’ minds?”

“What the hell? Takkun and Akkun have been replaced with weird space aliens or something!”

“You know, we really should start a petition to replace this project for biology.”

“I agree. _Forever_.”


End file.
